10/23/2018

**GIVEAWAY!** Enter to win new Catholic Answers book!


This book is so great that I ALREADY gave my own radio interview review copy away to a friend who's dealing with a teenager's angst over thinking she's bisexual.

But Made This Way: How to Prepare Kids to Face Today's Tough Moral Issues isn't exactly a handbook for just raising teens or navigating puberty. It's a solid resource for parents of little and really little kids, too.

How can that be, that a book about moral formation can be just as useful to parents of teens as it is to parents of toddlers?

BEHOLD THE GENIUS of Leila Miller and Catholic Answers apologist Trent Horn.

I interviewed Leila earlier this year when the second edition of her great book Raising Chaste Catholic Men was released. She's a veteran mom of eight nearly-grown kids who has both the courage and the passionate conviction to share her strategies on preparing kids to face all the cultural landmines they'll have to navigate now, especially those related to sexuality.

In each chapter, Leila and Trent take an issue (say, transgender identity), then explain what the Church teaches on it. Then they give separate advice for what to say about this issue to little kids, and what to say to bigger kids.

Leila talked about this strategic approach (big kids vs. little kids) when I interviewed her for Coffee & Donuts with John & Mary--listen here or here.

I think a common problem faced by parents in my generation is that we've witnessed a vast--not to mention fast--erosion of the moral culture around us. Just three short years ago, gay "marriage" became the law of the land by way of the Supreme Court. It feels like the whole transgender bathroom mess has only been around for the last 18 months or so. And sure, we're the generation that "survived Roe v. Wade," but what fluency we've gained in speaking about pro-life causes, we definitely lack in speaking about and defending Church teaching on issues related to no-holds-barred sexuality.

When my generation was starting kindergarten, our parents weren't tongue tied, trying to explain why ladies can't marry ladies, why boys shouldn't be able to go into the girls' bathroom, and why IVF isn't an ok way to make a baby. These issues weren't even on the horizon.

All that's changed. I'm so grateful for Leila and Trent for writing such an accessible, practical, and easy to understand book, and I'm thrilled to have two copies to give away!

To enter to win, just leave a comment below (and make sure to enter your email when you post a comment, so I can contact you!). For additional entries, head over to the domestic apologist IG account and find the post for this giveaway (it has the same picture above of yours truly).

The giveaway will close on Friday, November 2, and the winners will be notified by email. Good luck!

10/10/2018

4 great books to bring to Mass for little kids

Sunday morning fire drill: Eat something! Mass clothes on! Comb hair! SHOES!! For pete's sake please wipe the peanut butter off your mouth.

When all that's done and Sean's strapping them all in the van, I have about 7 minutes to go from sloppy mom pajamas to a semi-dressy outfit that screams "I tried this morning." I regularly forget either my earrings or my mascara, but what I don't forget is my stack of Mass books. 

Disclaimer: Sean would prefer we ditch the books altogether and bring nothing with us to Mass. These four books are our compromise.  



By far, my favorite. Simple, holy, and actually helpful for kids. Look in the pics below and find the little string of dots with the larger red dot. 

 


For a kid that's not old enough to read but old enough to want to know when Mass will fiiiiiiiiinally end, it helps him move along in the Mass by paying attention to the priest's posture. It's a life saver. Also, it's a hardback, so it's lasted a long time for us.  



Such sweet and simple (yet well-detailed) pictures! Maite Roche's bright colors and sweet faces make Gospel scenes come to life in beautiful ways for toddlers. Our copy has seen a lot of love through the years. 



There are literally hundreds of illustrated Bibles for children to choose from, and I'm sure lots of them are great. I like the size of this one, along with its format of having a hardback cover but regular-weight pages (it's not a board book). The New Testament includes pretty good coverage of Holy Week as well, with spreads for Palm Sunday, the Last Supper, the Crucifixion, and even Doubting Thomas. 





Here, Tiny Saints website--take all my money. Just take it. It looks like this sweet little book isn't offered right now on their page, but the book gives the cutest little look at the heroes of Catholicism. They began the business after a family tragedy and have created something so beautiful. Pretty sure I'm getting every big kid on my Christmas list a Tiny Saints Charm for their school backpack this year. 

I'd love to hear your family's favorite books to take to Mass! 

9/26/2018

how my Christmas spending will be different this year


Fall is in the air, Halloween candy is on store shelves, and I'm procrastinating on working on both the kids' All Saints Day getups and their Halloween costumes.

So that means, LET'S TALK CHRISTMAS!

For as long as we've had kids who have been old enough to expect presents and a stocking from St. Nicholas on Christmas Day, we've had basically the same structure to our Christmas budget. Throughout the year we'd wait and see if a bonus commission check would come in, or if I'd earn a check through one of my side gigs, and then we'd get that amount out in cash and put it in a Christmas envelope. We'd have a mini-monthly-budget meeting for our Christmas budget, and we'd make a list of all gifts and Christmas expenses: the tree, Christmas stamps from the Post Office, teacher gifts, all that good stuff.

Last year, we did our usual planning, but then somewhere between Black Friday and Christmas morning... I went off the rails. It wasn't that I spend too much or blew our budget--no, just the opposite.

The budget became an obsessive focus point for me. Case in point: I found a great deal on Vtech smart watches for the boys, early in December. Two for $60, and free shipping, wahoo! But merely getting the great deal wasn't enough for me--I kept checking on various store websites for the rest of the month to see just how great my deal really was.

No other retailer ever beat the price I got them for. Yessssssss.

But. There's nothing like spending Advent by pouring over my phone, waiting for daily affirmation that yes, indeed, I was a TERRIFIC BUDGETER and SHOPPER EXTRAORDINAIRE.

And then Christmas day came, and those gifts were opened, with thank yous and hugs all around.

But I was left with a feeling of remorse over all the time I wasted--yes, wasted--pouring over sales and taking victory laps with price comparisons.

The boys did enjoy those toy smart watches. But did they change our lives? Am I still reveling over the great price? All that time I spent online--what was the long-term benefit?

I told myself that all the time I spent focusing on the gifts and the budget was time responsibly spent. I told myself that the joy on my kids' faces when they opened the *perfect* gifts (scored at the best prices) made it all time spent responsibly, instead of a time suck.

No. It was a time suck. I let myself be sucked into the vast world of Christmastime materialism, but even worse, I considered myself as better than the other "holiday" materialists, because I was doing it in the name of BUDGETING!

Gah. This year, I'm planning a different approach. (And to truly ready myself for it, I'm starting in September. Apparently.)

This year: I'm making every attempt to purchase gifts in-store from Costco, second-hand from thrift stores, or sparsely online. I've already deleted the Walmart app from my phone once I saw their new clothing line which collaborates with Ellen Degeneres. Enough already.


This year, my goal is to make sure that the buying of Christmas gifts, the checking of the budget and the frenzy of shopping all stand in service to the ultimate goal: preparing for the birth of Jesus.

 Anything that detracts from that needs to be tamed, or pruned. In my case, it's both. I need to tame my desire to ensure that I've gotten the best deal--and then prune back all the time I waste on that pursuit. 

Was our whole household consumed in this frenetic, add-to-card shopping spree last year?  No. We did a lot with the kids to make sure our family focus stayed on that journey to Bethlehem: Advent calendars, moving the wise men closer to the stable day by day until Epiphany, praying the O Antiphons together at night. All well and good.

This is by and large a personal discipline for me, and one that I need to put in place so that I, too, can move closer to that humble stable in Bethlehem, day by day this Advent.

9/17/2018

my reaction to design mom: there's got to be a better way (oh wait, there is)


I waded through the murky waters of a Twitter-thread-turned-blog-post by Design Mom founder Gabrielle Blair. It's a doozy: The confirmation process for one soon-to-be Supreme Court justice has caused Blair to ruminate on the problem of abortion. She posits that all "unwanted pregnancies" are due to "irresponsible ejaculations of men."

To solve the problem of "unwanted pregnancies," she suggests either castration (as a punishment for, I guess, what someone deems "irresponsible ejaculations") or, mandatory sterilizations.

For all male children. At the onset of puberty.

And we thought the possibility of mandatory Guardasil for all kids was bad! Ha!

All I want to do is write and tell Mrs. Blair that there is a better way--better than surgically sterilizing my sons for the mere crime of being male.

This better way is, I think, the way of God. The better way involves living the truth of our bodies, as God made them. Since Mrs. Blair identifies herself as a Mormon, I hope she might be inclined to look at sex, pregnancy and the human person through a lens of faith.

I'll keep it concise--maybe not twitter-concise, but close.

First off, "unwanted pregnancies" is a pretty crude way to describe... people. Do we call any other class of people unwanted?  Unwanted furniture, unwanted kitchen tile, unwanted old toys. It's how we describe things, not people, each one made uniquely by God.

We, especially we people of faith, can do better when we're talking about the problem of abortion.

Things can be discarded. People shouldn't be.

Next: I write from my home. I'm a 30-something mother married to a 30-something father and together, we're raising a bunch of young children. Our marriage has, and always will be, free from contraceptives.

If we don't want to conceive, we abstain. (As Mrs. Blair points out, a woman can only conceive a few days per month. I'd argue with her given number of 2 days, but, still.)

Think of it: no condoms. No pills. No side effects of extra hair. No weird skin spotting.

No irreversible changing of the chemical makeup of my brain to make it less female. No accidentally transgendering of my kids' genitals.

No stocking up on condoms to keep bedside to be discovered inadvertently by my kids (ick).

And, perhaps most notably, no mutilation of my body, or of my husband's body.

All it asks is persistence, and sacrifice. No one can tell me that using all that junk above doesn't take persistence and sacrifice, too. Only with my way, my skin still looks just fine.

I am part of the the aberration, the counter-cultural movement. My peers and I (and our larger than average families) are mocked by our skeptical doctors and belittled by shocked onlookers at the grocery store.

But we don't have to worry about "irresponsible ejaculations." I made a choice to live my sexuality authentically, wholly, freely, with one man who fervently believes the same. Isn't that the ideal we should strive for--and not resort to calls for penal castration and pubescent sterilization?

While reading Mrs. Blair's post, my first instinct was to eye roll at the whole thing--but that's only because I've lived so long in the world of what she might call responsible sex, sex in which the man and woman both share responsibility. I don't get what an "irresponsible ejaculation" is. It seems to be that a man promises to use a contraceptive, but then, deceptively, does not.

Ok. So wouldn't you want, first, to not be sleeping with a deceptive man?

Wouldn't you want to structure your life so that sex is done with a person who wouldn't lie? Wouldn't you want to give your most precious gift to an honest man who valued you so much, such a deception would be unthinkable?   

It's long been said that abortion is not a cause but a symptom of the sad state of our generation's outlook on sex and morals. I find it amazing, always, when folks say (as Mrs. Blair says in her post) to "stop praying in front of abortion clinics," but have nary a peep to say about any other form of protest. How about the Women's March? How about gay pride parades? Is voting with your feet wrong in all circumstances, or only those that you find objectionable?

I'm just me. I haven't earned the success and enormous online platform from which Mrs. Blair can broadcast her thoughts.

But I can share the truth here, my tiny space. And the truth is this: Contraceptive sex kills love. And abortion kills a human life. Unless those two immutable truths are acknowledged, we're going to have pain and sin, and we're never going to figure out how to end abortion. That's all I'm saying.

(Oh, actually, one last thing: Anyone threatening to surgically sterilize my boys will find themselves face to face with a very aggravated, very aggressive mama bear. Take note.)