book report - lady edition

Heeeeeey, she started reading again. Or more accurately--she started reading fiction again, which in turn, helped her start reading non-fiction again.

I said on Coffee & Donuts a few weeks ago that once I get mired down in too much non-fiction, I'm hopeless to finish anything until a good novel jumps my literary battery and gets me rolling again. So the pic above shows said battery-jumping novels, plus two non-fictions, but somehow ALL of it skewed toward the feminine, hence the "lady edition" of this book report.

First up: Christy!

In my quest to find some rather squeaky-clean picks for a book club, I stumbled upon a fantastic resource on Goodreads: LDS Book Club Reads. Turns out the Mormon ladies join the great Mama Needs Coffee in seeking books that won't make you blush.

So, Christy. City girl/woman heads to Appalachia in the early 1900s to teach the little wild mountain children some reading, writing and religion. She falls for the preacher man (kind of) and stays for the typhoid. I hated the first 5 pages, and then loved the rest. Author Catherine Marshall has some sweet takes on bringing Christ's love to the world--even if that world is openly hostile and suspicious of it. Sweet ending and fine characters. When I posted on IG that I was in the middle of it, a veritable gaggle of lovely ladies commented to say "Ooohhhhmigosh, I read that book 3 times when I was 14--and I loved it, but of course, I was 14, so I can't actually say if it's any good."

To that I say: Yes it is good, and your 14-year-old-selves have fine literary taste. :)

Next: What Alice Forgot

Yeah, everyone has already read this. Maybe you already read it and forgot about it. Ha! Liane Moriarty's books are best sellers for good reason--she writes humorous women-centric stories set in everyday life, with a streak of either mystery or medical trauma thrown in. Big Little Lies (which I read a couple years ago) turns on a murder case; What Alice Forgot takes amnesia and shows what would happen if a mother took a hard hit to the head and forgot the last 10 years of her life--including the births and very existence of her three kids. I enjoyed the commentary on marriage and friendship; I eye-rolled over the IVF and the nonchalant attitudes on divorce, contraception, and sex outside of marriage. I wouldn't discourage anyone from reading; I just wouldn't exactly recommend it.

On to A Return to Modesty!

LOVE. Back in 1999, Wendy Shalit was talking modesty, embarrassment, and sex ed--and she did it with more humor than I could ever muster. Shalit wrote A Return to Modesty while still an undergrad pursuing her Bachelor's in philosophy. That fact alone makes her pretty legit, but the book itself is a triumph of research, source notes and just damn good perspective at a culture that's been turned upside down by the quest to eradicate any embarrassment associated with sex.

While reading at one point, I had 10 internet tabs open on my phone to look up her cast of characters: Simone de Beauvoir, Camille Pagila, Kathryn Harrison--the list of infamous feminists (who, with Shalit's treatment, begin to look incredibly like misogynists) goes on and on and can seem daunting. However, the balance of Shalit's source material is taken straight from the desperate "letter to the editor" pages of Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, and YM magazines. And it is those letters that paint a clear picture of women being duped, dated and dumped by their supposed feminist champions. A must-read (although I'm 20 years late with that enthusiastic recommendation).

Last: Dressing with Dignity

Ok, yeah, I admit it: I'm on a modesty kick. Strangely enough, I picked up A Return to Modesty, thinking it could be alternately titled A Retreat from Pants. (I was completely wrong.) It is Colleen Hammond's little treatise on skirts vs. pantsuits that is the real anti-pant book.

I appreciated the guidelines Hammond gives for what truly makes an outfit modest. For instance, do not kid yourself: If you bend over and can see down your own shirt, EVERYONE ELSE CAN TOO. Cami up, girl.

Hammond references papal statements and Vatican documents on modesty that I hadn't read before, as well as the proper (read: required) dress code for visiting the Holy See. She also included a story about St. Padre Pio that was new to me: A woman came to his confessional (behind the screen, of course), and without seeing her, he dismissed her from the confessional, saying that her skirt had to be 8" below the knee. Hearing things like this make me wonder how women seemed to survive for millennia  wearing dresses and skirts, and yet here I am in 2019 with a wardrobe firmly built upon pants--and "skinny" pants, at that. The evolution of it all boggles my mind. Hammond's book gives her take on how we got to this point, and her own personal plan for reclaiming modesty in dress.

Have I thrown out all my pants? No, not at all. Have I been thinking more deeply about why I wear pants in the first place? Yes. Do I think this is a moral issue? For the most part, no. Have I been sucked down the dressing-modestly rabbit hole on instagram? Aaaaaabsolutely.

I've also felt the pull in this age of gender absurdities and rampant gender role confusion to present myself in a more clearly feminine way to my kids. I don't know how to say it more gently than that. I'm not an anti-pant crusader, and my selection of skirts is currently pathetic. I'm also a woman who bore four children in six years--and I look like it. The slender me of my pre-married working days used to be able to pull off a high-waist set of trousers, tall heels and crisp button down. These days, everything in my closet is at least 5% spandex, and my heels house little dust bunny colonies.

I don't know where this all goes, but I'm grateful for writers and women who continue to write about this subject and discuss it with openness and grace.

One note: most all of the book links here are to my new favorite place to buy books online: Thrift Books! Most used book copies are $3.79-.99, and shipping is free at $10. Purchases also earn points towards free books. All that to me screams "BETTER THAN AMAZON!!" (Also, this ain't no ad, and Thrift Books doesn't know me from Eve.)

My next book report here will include Bud MacFarlane Jr.'s Pierced by a Sword, which I'm so excited to start. Happy reading!

Catholics get the dregs of commercial Christmas--and that's awesome

Christmas morning! Bright, glorious, and deeply happy. Sean and Joe tiptoed out at 11:30pm to head to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, but even with that, everyone slept well. Our once-yearly allotment of bacon for breakfast was met, and after all that we headed to Mass as a family.

But the next day, the day after Christmas? Just as wonderful. Truth:

Yeeeeeeee-ahhhh. I love Christmas break. I wake up on December 26 with a happy twitch in my fingers, which are ready to snap up bargains and swipe my debit card at all the big box stores, which are groaning under the weight of all the clearance Christmas merchandise they've got to get rid of. Sean can usually take a week off work for Christmas, and so once my clearance Christmas shopping itch has been scratched, we dive into a 12-day spree of FUN STUFF which more often than not is free or dirt cheap.

Unlike the vast wasteland of summertime with its frequently empty days, whiny or bored kids and no end in sight, Christmas break to me feels like one of those Advent calendars that opens up a new door every day in December with a TREAT. But those calendars kind of get it wrong, you know? Advent is the little lent, the preparation time, the fast before the feast. And then Christmas comes, and BAM! Catholics Gone Liturgically Wild.

Catholics have scraggly, Charlie Brown-esque Christmas trees, with bare patches and half-dead limbs. Why? They go buy them on Gaudete Sunday, or on the 23rd, or even on Christmas Eve, and all the great trees are gone, and the ones left are marked down 50%. AND THAT'S OK! Do you know what you do with a Christmas tree? YOU COVER IT IN PRETTY STUFF.

Catholics have great Christmas decorations. Why? We scoop up everything on SUPER clearance on the 26th when stores are practically giving it away. At 50, 60, heck, 90% off, you can get all the garland, twinkle lights, candles, shatterproof ornaments (obviously) and gift wrap your little liturgical heart desires--and spend about $3.26 for all of it.

Catholics can skip the lines at all those fun Christmas-light shows and neighborhood light attractions. Why? We go on the 26th, which is usually the last night those things run--and barely anyone else in the world still cares to go see them at that point.

Catholics have the best New Year's Eve, New Year's and Epiphany parties. Why? IT'S STILL CHRISTMAS, BABY! We've been saving our eggnog, our champagne and our shrimp cocktails for these moments. We know between Christmas and Twelfth Night, you've got more solemnities than you can shake a candy cane at. Live it up.

The last two scrawny crabs in the seafood department, plus steamed artichokes and GF noodles with mizithra: All just vehicles for melted butter, all in honor of the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God.

Our Epiphany included King Cake cupcakes. Why? Because gold and purple and green sprinkles were about $0.30 each in the clearance section of Walmart.

This is all to say, of course, that my big kids are now back in school, and we took the tree down yesterday (a fire hazard, truly) and packed the stockings away, and now it's just me and the littles at home. My Nativity sets are still up and will be for another week or so. I love seeing the Christmas season come and cover the house and our hearts with the glorias and hosannas announcing the arrival of the Baby King to the world. We're still listening to Christmas music in the afternoons, and Baby Steve still belts out Joy to the World to announce to me he's woken up from his nap.

My Christmas Decorations Closet of Bargains is mostly closed up for the year, but you can bet that if I can still find some strands of twinkle lights marked down to $0.80 at the grocery store, I'm snapping those puppies up.

celebrate December's saints in 5 minutes with $5 (or less)

Ahh, there's nothing like celebrating saints' feast days to make a mom feel either stressed out or inadequate! Woohoo!

But here's what I think. I've seen an exchange like this happen many times: The mom of a baby and a toddler looks at a mother of nine and says, "HOW do you DO IT? I only have two and I'm drowning."

And the seasoned mom says, "Honey, you are given the grace you need for the battle you're fighting. However many kids you have right now, that's all you can handle! We're all maxed out where we are."

I think that's it, too, for the big bad world of beautiful liturgical living. I've lived through so many Decembers during which I forgot to reserve and check out the St. Nicholas books from the library ahead of time, and also didn't have enough spare money just floating around in the budget to go buy us a copy. I didn't know how other people did it.

But you know what? The kids know who St. Nicholas is. They know he's the patron saint of children, and they know he was generous. They know St. Nicholas loved Jesus and lived his life for Him. And they know that because we told them. Not a book or a clever video. Just us, the parents. 

So, all that to say: I don't think it's all about the books you own or grab from the library, nor is it all the correct food you cook to celebrate and keep the feast. Those things are well and GOOD, really, very very good! But they're not the be all and end all of infusing home with faith. You use the grace you have right now to do what you can handle.

These are the things we'll be doing in our home:

Thursday, December 6 (tomorrow!): St. Nicholas
Do: Set out the kids' shoes tonight, and fill 'em with some treats for the morning. I've heard from moms who *forget* to buy chocolate coins that their children will still joyfully accept quarters, dimes, and stray tic tacs. (That mom may have been myself.)
Eat: Candy canes!
Read: quick read for little ears on St. Nicholas of Myra

Friday, December 7: St. Ambrose
Do: Just say it's the feast of St. Ambrose. It's a cool name to know. :)
Eat: Toast or tea with honey! He's the patron saint of bee keepers. Our little Ambrose gets to pick the dinner menu, as is the tradition of saint-name-days in our house.
Read: St. Ambrose: Strangest Life Story Ever? 8 things to know and share

Saturday, December 8: Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception
Do: GO TO MASS!!
Eat: Ice cream! Anything to celebrate for dessert!
Read: great read aloud here from Peanut Butter & Grace

Wednesday, December 12: Our Lady of Guadalupe
Do: Just tell 'em what day it is.
Eat: Tacos! Burritos! Nachos! Viva la shredded cheese!
Read: Meet Juan Diego

Thursday, December 13: St. Lucy
Do: Light an extra candle at the dinner table (besides the advent candle), since Lucy means light.
Also, Lucy is (rightly) such a popular name, so tell kids that if they have a Lucy they know or in their class, wish them a happy feast day.
Read: Saint Lucy

Monday, December 17: Start the O Antiphons!
Do: Sing one verse "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" as your before dinner prayer starting on the 17th, going to the next verse/antiphon each day, until Dec. 23. Here's a great link with all of the verses and their Latin counterparts (for you fancy folk).

Tuesday, December 25: Christmas
Do: PARTY!!!

That takes us to the Christmas Octave, and that will be a separate post. Blessed Advent! 

finally pulling the plug on PBS Kids

This isn't a shocker, of course. I've already ranted on Coffee & Donuts with John & Mary about the sing-song nihilism of Daniel Tiger's little ditties in episode 31.

And, I've always had an eye out for the subtle suggestions, the little winks, the discreet nods at the liberal agenda, sprinkled in the PBS Kids shows.

But today, I didn't see a wink or a nod--no, today it was a straight up high five to indoctrinating my kids. This PBS Kids commercial aired this morning while my little ones were watching, I'm ashamed to say.

Come and see, come and see
Come and see my family
....
I got two awesome daddies 
And a brother who's just three
I like them, they like me
Now come and see my family



So, that's that, then! We'll be taking the same approach as we did with Netflix, and removing it from our tv immediately. Although unfortunately, we could actually cancel our subscription to Netflix, whereas PBS will continue to receive our money through taxpayer subsidies. Ugh.

Anyone else taken this plunge and gone cold turkey on PBS Kids? I put a Brother Francis DVD on for Gus this afternoon and, surprisingly, she didn't melt into a puddle of Let's Go Luna-deprived despair. So that's a win. I'd love some good recommendations for shows or DVD series appropriate for the 3-5 year old range.

**GIVEAWAY!** Enter to win new Catholic Answers book!

This book is so great that I ALREADY gave my own radio interview review copy away to a friend who's dealing with a teenager's angst over thinking she's bisexual.

But Made This Way: How to Prepare Kids to Face Today's Tough Moral Issues isn't exactly a handbook for just raising teens or navigating puberty. It's a solid resource for parents of little and really little kids, too.

How can that be, that a book about moral formation can be just as useful to parents of teens as it is to parents of toddlers?

BEHOLD THE GENIUS of Leila Miller and Catholic Answers apologist Trent Horn.

I interviewed Leila earlier this year when the second edition of her great book Raising Chaste Catholic Men was released. She's a veteran mom of eight nearly-grown kids who has both the courage and the passionate conviction to share her strategies on preparing kids to face all the cultural landmines they'll have to navigate now, especially those related to sexuality.

In each chapter, Leila and Trent take an issue (say, transgender identity), then explain what the Church teaches on it. Then they give separate advice for what to say about this issue to little kids, and what to say to bigger kids.

Leila talked about this strategic approach (big kids vs. little kids) when I interviewed her for Coffee & Donuts with John & Mary--listen here or here.

I think a common problem faced by parents in my generation is that we've witnessed a vast--not to mention fast--erosion of the moral culture around us. Just three short years ago, gay "marriage" became the law of the land by way of the Supreme Court. It feels like the whole transgender bathroom mess has only been around for the last 18 months or so. And sure, we're the generation that "survived Roe v. Wade," but what fluency we've gained in speaking about pro-life causes, we definitely lack in speaking about and defending Church teaching on issues related to no-holds-barred sexuality.

When my generation was starting kindergarten, our parents weren't tongue tied, trying to explain why ladies can't marry ladies, why boys shouldn't be able to go into the girls' bathroom, and why IVF isn't an ok way to make a baby. These issues weren't even on the horizon.

All that's changed. I'm so grateful for Leila and Trent for writing such an accessible, practical, and easy to understand book, and I'm thrilled to have two copies to give away!

To enter to win, just leave a comment below (and make sure to enter your email when you post a comment, so I can contact you!). For additional entries, head over to the domestic apologist IG account and find the post for this giveaway (it has the same picture above of yours truly).

The giveaway will close on Friday, November 2, and the winners will be notified by email. Good luck!

4 great books to bring to Mass for little kids

Sunday morning fire drill: Eat something! Mass clothes on! Comb hair! SHOES!! For pete's sake please wipe the peanut butter off your mouth.

When all that's done and Sean's strapping them all in the van, I have about 7 minutes to go from sloppy mom pajamas to a semi-dressy outfit that screams "I tried this morning." I regularly forget either my earrings or my mascara, but what I don't forget is my stack of Mass books. 

Disclaimer: Sean would prefer we ditch the books altogether and bring nothing with us to Mass. These four books are our compromise.  

A Missal for Little Ones

By far, my favorite. Simple, holy, and actually helpful for kids. Look in the pics below and find the little string of dots with the larger red dot. 

 

For a kid that's not old enough to read but old enough to want to know when Mass will fiiiiiiiiinally end, it helps him move along in the Mass by paying attention to the priest's posture. It's a life saver. Also, it's a hardback, so it's lasted a long time for us.  

The Gospel for Little Ones

Such sweet and simple (yet well-detailed) pictures! Maite Roche's bright colors and sweet faces make Gospel scenes come to life in beautiful ways for toddlers. Our copy has seen a lot of love through the years. 

My Little Picture Bible

There are literally hundreds of illustrated Bibles for children to choose from, and I'm sure lots of them are great. I like the size of this one, along with its format of having a hardback cover but regular-weight pages (it's not a board book). The New Testament includes pretty good coverage of Holy Week as well, with spreads for Palm Sunday, the Last Supper, the Crucifixion, and even Doubting Thomas. 

The Saints Are Watching Over Me

Here, Tiny Saints website--take all my money. Just take it. It looks like this sweet little book isn't offered right now on their page, but the book gives the cutest little look at the heroes of Catholicism. They began the business after a family tragedy and have created something so beautiful. Pretty sure I'm getting every big kid on my Christmas list a Tiny Saints Charm for their school backpack this year. 

I'd love to hear your family's favorite books to take to Mass! 

how my Christmas spending will be different this year

Fall is in the air, Halloween candy is on store shelves, and I'm procrastinating on working on both the kids' All Saints Day getups and their Halloween costumes.

So that means, LET'S TALK CHRISTMAS!

For as long as we've had kids who have been old enough to expect presents and a stocking from St. Nicholas on Christmas Day, we've had basically the same structure to our Christmas budget. Throughout the year we'd wait and see if a bonus commission check would come in, or if I'd earn a check through one of my side gigs, and then we'd get that amount out in cash and put it in a Christmas envelope. We'd have a mini-monthly-budget meeting for our Christmas budget, and we'd make a list of all gifts and Christmas expenses: the tree, Christmas stamps from the Post Office, teacher gifts, all that good stuff.

Last year, we did our usual planning, but then somewhere between Black Friday and Christmas morning... I went off the rails. It wasn't that I spend too much or blew our budget--no, just the opposite.

The budget became an obsessive focus point for me. Case in point: I found a great deal on Vtech smart watches for the boys, early in December. Two for $60, and free shipping, wahoo! But merely getting the great deal wasn't enough for me--I kept checking on various store websites for the rest of the month to see just how great my deal really was.

No other retailer ever beat the price I got them for. Yessssssss.

But. There's nothing like spending Advent by pouring over my phone, waiting for daily affirmation that yes, indeed, I was a TERRIFIC BUDGETER and SHOPPER EXTRAORDINAIRE.

And then Christmas day came, and those gifts were opened, with thank yous and hugs all around.

But I was left with a feeling of remorse over all the time I wasted--yes, wasted--pouring over sales and taking victory laps with price comparisons.

The boys did enjoy those toy smart watches. But did they change our lives? Am I still reveling over the great price? All that time I spent online--what was the long-term benefit?

I told myself that all the time I spent focusing on the gifts and the budget was time responsibly spent. I told myself that the joy on my kids' faces when they opened the *perfect* gifts (scored at the best prices) made it all time spent responsibly, instead of a time suck.

No. It was a time suck. I let myself be sucked into the vast world of Christmastime materialism, but even worse, I considered myself as better than the other "holiday" materialists, because I was doing it in the name of BUDGETING!

Gah. This year, I'm planning a different approach. (And to truly ready myself for it, I'm starting in September. Apparently.)

This year: I'm making every attempt to purchase gifts in-store from Costco, second-hand from thrift stores, or sparsely online. I've already deleted the Walmart app from my phone once I saw their new clothing line which collaborates with Ellen Degeneres. Enough already.

This year, my goal is to make sure that the buying of Christmas gifts, the checking of the budget and the frenzy of shopping all stand in service to the ultimate goal: preparing for the birth of Jesus.

 Anything that detracts from that needs to be tamed, or pruned. In my case, it's both. I need to tame my desire to ensure that I've gotten the best deal--and then prune back all the time I waste on that pursuit. 

Was our whole household consumed in this frenetic, add-to-card shopping spree last year?  No. We did a lot with the kids to make sure our family focus stayed on that journey to Bethlehem: Advent calendars, moving the wise men closer to the stable day by day until Epiphany, praying the O Antiphons together at night. All well and good.

This is by and large a personal discipline for me, and one that I need to put in place so that I, too, can move closer to that humble stable in Bethlehem, day by day this Advent.

my reaction to design mom: there's got to be a better way (oh wait, there is)

I waded through the murky waters of a Twitter-thread-turned-blog-post by Design Mom founder Gabrielle Blair. It's a doozy: The confirmation process for one soon-to-be Supreme Court justice has caused Blair to ruminate on the problem of abortion. She posits that all "unwanted pregnancies" are due to "irresponsible ejaculations of men."

To solve the problem of "unwanted pregnancies," she suggests either castration (as a punishment for, I guess, what someone deems "irresponsible ejaculations") or, mandatory sterilizations.

For all male children. At the onset of puberty.

And we thought the possibility of mandatory Guardasil for all kids was bad! Ha!

All I want to do is write and tell Mrs. Blair that there is a better way--better than surgically sterilizing my sons for the mere crime of being male.

This better way is, I think, the way of God. The better way involves living the truth of our bodies, as God made them. Since Mrs. Blair identifies herself as a Mormon, I hope she might be inclined to look at sex, pregnancy and the human person through a lens of faith.

I'll keep it concise--maybe not twitter-concise, but close.

First off, "unwanted pregnancies" is a pretty crude way to describe... people. Do we call any other class of people unwanted?  Unwanted furniture, unwanted kitchen tile, unwanted old toys. It's how we describe things, not people, each one made uniquely by God.

We, especially we people of faith, can do better when we're talking about the problem of abortion.

Things can be discarded. People shouldn't be.

Next: I write from my home. I'm a 30-something mother married to a 30-something father and together, we're raising a bunch of young children. Our marriage has, and always will be, free from contraceptives.

If we don't want to conceive, we abstain. (As Mrs. Blair points out, a woman can only conceive a few days per month. I'd argue with her given number of 2 days, but, still.)

Think of it: no condoms. No pills. No side effects of extra hair. No weird skin spotting.

No irreversible changing of the chemical makeup of my brain to make it less female. No accidentally transgendering of my kids' genitals.

No stocking up on condoms to keep bedside to be discovered inadvertently by my kids (ick).

And, perhaps most notably, no mutilation of my body, or of my husband's body.

All it asks is persistence, and sacrifice. No one can tell me that using all that junk above doesn't take persistence and sacrifice, too. Only with my way, my skin still looks just fine.

I am part of the the aberration, the counter-cultural movement. My peers and I (and our larger than average families) are mocked by our skeptical doctors and belittled by shocked onlookers at the grocery store.

But we don't have to worry about "irresponsible ejaculations." I made a choice to live my sexuality authentically, wholly, freely, with one man who fervently believes the same. Isn't that the ideal we should strive for--and not resort to calls for penal castration and pubescent sterilization?

While reading Mrs. Blair's post, my first instinct was to eye roll at the whole thing--but that's only because I've lived so long in the world of what she might call responsible sex, sex in which the man and woman both share responsibility. I don't get what an "irresponsible ejaculation" is. It seems to be that a man promises to use a contraceptive, but then, deceptively, does not.

Ok. So wouldn't you want, first, to not be sleeping with a deceptive man?

Wouldn't you want to structure your life so that sex is done with a person who wouldn't lie? Wouldn't you want to give your most precious gift to an honest man who valued you so much, such a deception would be unthinkable?   

It's long been said that abortion is not a cause but a symptom of the sad state of our generation's outlook on sex and morals. I find it amazing, always, when folks say (as Mrs. Blair says in her post) to "stop praying in front of abortion clinics," but have nary a peep to say about any other form of protest. How about the Women's March? How about gay pride parades? Is voting with your feet wrong in all circumstances, or only those that you find objectionable?

I'm just me. I haven't earned the success and enormous online platform from which Mrs. Blair can broadcast her thoughts.

But I can share the truth here, my tiny space. And the truth is this: Contraceptive sex kills love. And abortion kills a human life. Unless those two immutable truths are acknowledged, we're going to have pain and sin, and we're never going to figure out how to end abortion. That's all I'm saying.

(Oh, actually, one last thing: Anyone threatening to surgically sterilize my boys will find themselves face to face with a very aggravated, very aggressive mama bear. Take note.)

book report - summer 2018

I'm praying more now, and reading more too, now that we know all that we know. Both help.

1. A Postcard from the Volcano
Lucy Beckett
Oh, man. A friend told me she was a mess when she finished this one, and yeah, that's about right. I finished it and cried on and off for two hours. Beckett's brilliant work is filled with deep historical and geopolitical analysis of the roots of both WWI and WWII, but even more than that, its characters ask the questions of life. What makes things beautiful? What makes people good or bad? What has God created us for? In brief, Volcano follows a boy through his aristocratic Prussian upbringing, his schoolboy years, and then to his young adulthood in pre-war Germany--and the growing foreboding and panic at what lies ahead once Nazis gain control of the country. Even though I felt like many scenes almost read like a play, in which two or more characters are placed in a scene to debate or dialogue on an idea; those very characters are written with nuance, tenderness and deep love. Heartily recommend.

2. An Immovable Feast
Tyler Blanski
Alert: READ! THIS! BOOK! I'd never read a true conversion story before, and was so glad that Blanski's was my first. Good gravy, there is material in here for everyone: the atheist hipster, the spiritual-but-not-religious 20-something, the dyed in the wool Anglican, and the lukewarm Catholic. Don't be fooled by the softly scenic cover: this is a doozy of a story. I interviewed Tyler for episode 17 of Coffee & Donuts with John & Mary, and he was a lot of fun to talk to. Planning on grabbing this as Christmas presents for both the Catholics and non-Catholics on my list. It's that good.

3. Boundaries
Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
I felt like the only human who has picked up Boundaries and not immediately loved nor identified with it, and multiple times felt like just dropping it for another book on my stack. But then I read a passage about God's boundaries--and it stopped me. God has boundaries? Yes. His boundary is my free will. I can choose to accept Him, to seek to do His will, to follow His commandments. And if God has such respect for boundaries, well, then, I thought, I better finish the darn book and get a better handle on them, too.

4. The SleepEasy Solution
I got this book because I'm such a pro at this mom thing by now, I read baby sleep books just for fun. HAHAHHAHAHAHA. No. I got it because sweet little Stevie was still waking up 3-4 times a night. I was on the brink, and he needed to learn how to cut that crap out, pronto. This book isn't filled with magic, but it is filled with the kind of encouraging confidence that I needed to gut through some crying and get him sleeping better. It helped, a lot. 

5. One Question
Ken Coleman
Sean sweetly grabbed a copy of this once he heard it mentioned in a Dave Ramsey podcast. Each of Coleman's chapters feature a big-name personality or business leader he's interviewed, plus an emotion or challenge: fear, perseverance, failure, character. I picked up some great interviewing tips and strategies for getting great answers out of interviewees. Which reminds me: if YOU (whoever you are) just read a book or have a Catholic author or subject you think would be great on the radio or Coffee & Donuts (or just a great book in general), please shoot me an email or PM!
domesticapologist at gmail dot com
or
maryh at materdeiradio dot com
or
IG: @domestic_apologist

Full disclosure: I read two beach reads this summer. It's junk, ok? I know!  They're not in my book stack pic above because they were (mercifully) library books. I like my junk to be free junk.

6. The Identicals
Elin Hilderbrand
I read one Hilderbrand book every summer. They're ALL the same: beach, romance, East Coast snobbery, beautiful clothes, love triangles. They're not terribly raunchy but they are more raunchy than anything I should be reading. But every July, I grab one from the library, read it in 36 hours, and utterly disregard everyone in my family. Then I go back to the pre-WWI Nazi uprising novels.

7. Island Girls
Nancy Thayer
I read somewhere that Nancy Thayer novels are just like Hilderbrand books, so I grabbed one. I think this is akin to grabbing a pack of Starbursts when you're already buying Skittles. This one reads like a shallow treatise on why divorce is awful and why women are ridiculous. Lesson learned: don't get Starbursts when you're already getting Skittles.

what happens when a Catholic starts reading her Bible

For far too long, I thought daily scripture reading was something done by people who were either more religious, more pious, or just generally smarter/better than myself.

This year I realized: that's a stupid way to live my life.

On nights when I've given up on my life, I escape for 14 minutes to go pick up Thai food for dinner, and I listen to the Sunday homilies of Fr. Larry Richards who, in my opinion, is one of the best preachers we currently have in the American church. He's not everyone's style, I'm sure. But the man speaks the truth. No--actually, he YELLS THE TRUTH at the faithful in his parish every Sunday. I love it.

I usually come home with chicken satay, fresh spring rolls with peanut sauce, pad thai, an affirmation of my sinfulness and a resolve to live a holier life. Thai food and contrition. It's a win-win.

He preached one particular homily on June 24, the feast of St. John the Baptist, which is one of the few solemnities, he says, whose feast is still celebrated on a Sunday.

He says:

"We were all baptized to be prophets. But does anybody read their bible? What, four people in this church? Ah, well the rest of you are going to purgatory for a long time. We're all called to be prophets. A prophet is one who hears God's holy will and proclaims it to the community. You were called to be a prophet. The first thing you must do: listen to GOD. So the first thing you must do--you must PRAY with the scriptures! Most of us don't listen to God because we don't read the Bible every day. This is who God chose you to be! You are called to be the prophet of God! And if you don't act on this, you won't go to heaven the way you need to go to heaven! 

I've screamed about this for many years--I don't know why I scream about it now; nobody listens. We are ALL called to share in this prophecy. We're all called to share it with the people we live with, and work with. We say we're a prophets for God, but we fail to hear the Word of God first. You can't hear it if you're not spending time with him in his Word every day."

Well. That was a compelling enough rant for me. I came home with the pad thai and looked at Sean over the dinner table.

Me, very seriously: "I think we need to start reading the scripture together every day."

Sean: "AWESOME!"

He's always game for devotions, that guy. But even when you want to start reading scripture every day, where do you start? I had already bought a big study Bible (more on that in a minute); did I need a scripture study kit too? Did I need DVDs? Did I need a day-by-day plan to finish it in a year? WHAT WAS THE PLAN????

In a bold move indicative of his inner tendencies toward setting and achieving goals, Sean took the reigns and said, "Let's just open to the New Testament and... start reading it." Ok.

Back up the bus: Five years and two babies ago I thought I could spend a super holy Lent by reading the whole New Testament. I bought the revered Ignatius Study Bible, certainly in part because I trust Ignatius Press and anything they publish, but mostly because I was convinced that I needed Catholic scholars to explain scripture to me. [See the note above about feeling stupid.] I was convinced that scripture was just like Shakespeare--and reading Shakespeare in high school involved reading a book that had, on every spread, the Bard's words on the left page, and line-by-line commentary and contextual explanations on the right page.

When the Ignatius Study Bible arrived before Ash Wednesday, I questioned both my Lenten practice and my sanity.

Clocking in at 720 pages and more than a couple pounds, this was the definitive Biblical study guide (for the New Testament at least) for Catholics--definitive meaning it is a thoroughly cross-referenced work of exegetical genius, containing commentary, extensive footnotes, and indexes and charts. And more.

So I put it up on my mantle, set a flower vase on it. Then swore off chocolate til Easter and just called it good.

Fast forward to this summer, when I finally unearthed said study Bible from our book stacks. Sean grabbed our big hardback family Bible, and suddenly, there we were, prophets reading the Word of God, sitting together in the living room.

We've been reading every night together after the kids have been tucked in bed. We read 5 chapters at a time out loud, alternating who reads each chapter. We went through Matthew (who, I now know, was writing mostly to the Jews), Mark (author of the "secret" gospel who used the word "Immediately" 40 times in his 16 chapters!), Luke (the doctor/author who beautifully recounts Christ's earthly life including the beautiful infancy narrative, and shares this good news with the Gentiles), and John (the poet author, whose chapters repeatedly made Sean and I pause our reading and say, "Wow.").

And that brings me to now. Last Sunday, a crazy weekend with a work crisis for Sean meant that I snuck out for a Saturday vigil Mass by myself. And what did I hear at the Gospel? Ah, yes:

"The Gospel according to John."

Hey, I thought. I just read that.

"... So they said to him,
"What sign can you do, that we may see and believe in you?
What can you do?
Our ancestors ate manna in the desert, as it is written:
He gave them bread from heaven to eat."So Jesus said to them,
"Amen, amen, I say to you,
it was not Moses who gave the bread from heaven;
my Father gives you the true bread from heaven.
For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven
and gives life to the world."

So they said to him,
"Sir, give us this bread always."
Jesus said to them,
"I am the bread of life;
whoever comes to me will never hunger,
and whoever believes in me will never thirst."

The end of the Gospel reading found me with tears running down my face.

I didn't know that if I read the scriptures straight through, like I would a book--instead of solely hearing it in bits and segments as we do as Catholics at every Mass--I would begin to hear it differently. I didn't know I would start to recognize what I'd hear as parts of a greater whole, a story with centuries of context, and generations upon generations of hope. 

I didn't know that when you read the Word of God--when you read it outside of Mass, when you read it without beautiful, squirmy little babies crawling all over you, you then hear it differently.

I didn't know that spending time reading the Gospel every day is a better use of my time than reading any novel, ever, period.

I didn't know that Jesus lets Lazarus die so that he may perform the miracle of bringing him back to life, thereby converting many to believing in Him--but this miracle would, in turn, set the events of his arrest and execution in motion. And that He weeps. He stands and weeps.

I didn't know that what made Jesus' new covenant so radical was that it was available to every single person with deep, unquestioning faith in Him--every single person in the world--and that THAT was impossible for the scribes and pharisees to accept.

I didn't know, truly, what a pivotal role the Holy Spirit played in the nascent Church. And what role He still plays today.

I find it to be a miracle, a true turning point in my life, that I listened to Fr. Larry's homily.

Let those who have ears, hear. And let those Catholics who have Bibles... read them.

the best stroller is a FREE stroller

Welcome to the most useless post on the internet today!

Back story: I posted a pic to instagram that pictured the double stroller I've used every weekday for the past three years. A couple folks said, hey, what's the deal with that double stroller, what do you like about it.

And my first reaction to those questions was: I like this stroller because IT. WAS. FREEEEEEE.

For six of my nine years as a momma, I've been pushing a double around. This is a topic I've thought about, a lot.

I've done the thing of paying $150 for a double jogger with two seats across (and that was, for us, not a winner). I've done the thing of looking up Bob strollers and City Stroller or whatever they're called. And I've contemplated buying them used off of Craigslist and spending just $300 instead of $500 or something. (And I've laughed at the prospect of me, Mary, spending $500 on a stroller. #cheapcheapcheapcheapcheap)

My last two double strollers have come to me as hand-me-downs from moms wise enough to know that their stroller still had lots of life left in it--and kind enough to know that I, heavy breeder that I am, would really, gratefully accept anything they had to pass down to me. So to Aunt Bridget and Michelle, I salute you, ladies! And I thank you.

Why is the best stroller a free stroller?

Because second to only maybe a high chair or the car seat, the stroller takes the most abuse of all the kiddie gear. My stroller is regularly:

 - saturated with spilled milk from sippy cups
- covered in sand from the beach
- filled with crumbs from the free cookie at the grocery store bakery
- doused with juice
- filled with rocks, sticks and moss collected from the park
- pee (let's be honest)
- the opposite of pee (it's happened at least twice)

Maybe there's a reasoning that says: since you touch/use the stroller daily, then it follows that having a nice stroller with all the bells and whistles makes that interaction more enjoyable.

I'm not of that school of reasoning. We're a family that drives cars into the ground. And strollers too apparently.

When that whole list of "stuff" drips on, spills on, or generally beleaguers my Graco DuoGlide, I, blessedly, do not freak out. I've taken a hose and a bottle of Dawn to it multiple times, and done so with gusto.

For those that want the actual details on it, and what specifically I like about a beat-up front-back double stroller, here you go:
- I believe it's a Graco DuoGlider (looks like this, new)

-  front-back strollers fit though store doors more easily

- front-back strollers have bigger under-carriage baskets, better for grocery shopping

 - the two Graco front-back strollers I've used have both accommodated infant car seats--not in the official "snap in" sort of way, but I've been fine with how securely they fit

- front-back strollers can be collapsed more or less with one hand, and for me, they've always been lighter than side-by-sides.

 - We do not run with this thing--it is purely a walk and push. It goes to the park, the beach, sure, but I'm not expecting it to survive a 10k. Or a 5k, for that matter.

If I hadn't been the lucky recipient of two used front-back doubles, I would have marched myself down to Once Upon a Child and grabbed a used one, hopefully for less than $50.

This current DuoGlider at times holds a toddler and bigger toddler, a toddler and a 6-year-old, a toddler and a watermelon and 2 gallons of milk... and she's maybe a 10-12 years old at this point. Her basket fabric is finally starting to rip, and that makes me sad.

But not too sad. I've got nothing to lose, because the dang thing was free. And that's the best.

5 favorites / stuff big catholic families like

Just got back from a week at Lake Taco (as Gussie calls Lake Tahoe) and I'm procrastinating on buying all the school supplies.

1 / the catholic card game

WHAAAAAT. Funded by a Kickstarter campaign, this just-released knockoff of Apples to Apples features all the moderately off-color and campily Catholic cards you could ask for. We had a group of seven adults (three couples and one priest from the good ol' Gonzaga days) who played this last week, and it was a hit. As proof of this, the small army of our combined children who were camped out watching a movie in the other room asked us repeatedly to PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN BECAUSE WE CAN'T HEAR OUR MOVIE, THANK YOU PARENTS.

Turn down for what, ehh.

2 / lake tahoe

California's got taxes and incredibly bad politicians and yeah, all the rest. But it's got (half of) Lake Tahoe. So I'm staying.

3 / actually eating all the food we order at in n out

I have notoriously skinny kids with elusive appetites, and it's the worst when they tell me they want all the foods, then the foods all come, and they don't eat the foods. Now we're finally consuming most of what comes in the blessed red plastic trays. Pass the ketchup.

4 / book backlog

My queue is getting longer and longer and the books sit in such close proximity to my dish rack that they're getting rather watermarked. But I like my mini kitchen library.

Right now I'm working on
- A Postcard from the Volcano
- Boundaries
- The Gospel of John (in the Ignatius Study Bible)
- The Little Oratory
and getting the month of August ready in my Blessed Is She liturgical planner.

5 / better homes and gardens 5-shelf leaning bookcase

You know me, always a sucker for a good piece of Magnolia lookalike furniture from Walmart. $99, heeyyy-yo.

Linking up with Ashley at The Big White Farmhouse.

7qt / what I'm loving at walmart vol. 3

Could also be titled: here's a post that matters very little in the grand scheme of things (heck, as most of my posts do, heh)! But it's Friday, and it's hot, and online shopping for fun/cheap items is a lot more fun than online shopping for school uniforms.

1 / essential t-shirt dress

I saw this on my way to the self checkout (read: I spied this on the clothes rack placed strategically close to the self-checkout so mothers who must take FOUR SMALL CHILDREN to the grocery store during the summers will get a spark of hope that they could buy a cheap item off the rack at a grocery store and that by magic, it might work). I love it. It's 100% cotton, long enough to not scandalize the neighbors and perfectly loose in the fit. I think I have a medium and paid $10.

2 / classic three piece bamboo cutting boards

Ordered these and am waiting for them to arrive. We haven't gotten new cutting boards since... yikes, our wedding? Overdue. I wanted to get smaller, bamboo ones like these that could also be used as serving platters and table trivets. $13.99 for the three.

3 / toddler flutter sleeve t-shirt & shorts

Carter's makes this adorable line of clothes for Walmart, and for every season they come out with some matching toddler sets that are super cute. $9-10 for two-piece sets.

4 / swiss dot embroidered tank top

I didn't snag one of these before most of the sizes sold out online and I'm regretting it. 100% cotton and would be such a great summer shirt. $11.86 in four colors!

5 / striped ruffle sleeve top

This is another one I regret not grabbing, which is also all cotton. (Can you sense a theme?! I get twitchy wearing rayon and the like.) $11.98 online and also comes in a black stripe.

6 / essential short sleeve v-neck t-shirt

I picked up these in blush pink, white and blue when they were on clearance at my store and probably paid between $3-5 for each. They've been great, lightweight summer shirts. And when they invariably get stained and splotched from my kids, I shed no tears.

7 / glass pitcher

Ok this is just a non-Walmart bonus, but had to share my best frugal find of the week--this glass pitcher I scored for $4 at my favorite local thrift store! It's the perfect size to keep on the table for ice water during dinner. And again, when someone drops it on the floor... I'll only cry a little.

Linking up with Kelly for quick takes!

laughing inappropriately during phone interviews / 7qt

I need to stop it--but people are so darn FUNNY. Click the names to listen.

And don't miss the new Coffee & Donuts with John & Mary episode (number 17!!). John and I play Catholic Balderdash. We're very bad at it.

1 / Anthony Ryan, Marketing Director for Ignatius Press
How can you not laugh when Tony Ryan ends his stellar interview (about a book on Sts. Louis and Zellie Martin, so awesome) with a note that "there's no "o" in the "Ignatius" of "Ignatius press dot com." Like, people really put an "o" in it? Ignatios? Ignotius?

2 / George Weigel, The Fragility of Order
Me beginning the interview: "He's the prolific author of many consequential books, including the official biography of John Paul II---"

George: "NO no no stop it right there, I've said this so many times, I am NOT the official papal
biographer. I wrote the authoritative biography of John Paul II."

Me: *dies inside*

God love this man, he put up with my questions, and after the call, he talked to me for another 10 minutes, which rank up there with my wedding and births of my kids as one of the best moments in my entire life. Sorry if that's creepy for you, George. I waxed on about it on instagram, and I wonder if he knows just how many people count him as a cultural influence that changed their lives. Very grateful for him for, as they say, taking my call.

3 / Leila Miller, author of Primal Loss: The Now-Adult Children of Divorce Speak
WOW. This book. Leila is on the front lines of fighting the culture lies on divorce, the LGBTQ juggernaut, and abortion. She's a tireless advocate for children, for family and for marriage. Praise hands, thumbs up and high fives, Leila!

4 / Tyler Blanski, author of An Immovable Feast
Hello, my name is Mary, and from now on I will include a reference to An Immovable Feast in every conversation I have. It was so good. Read it cover to cover, dog eared it, underlined it, read it out loud to Sean, still quoting lines around my house. ("I came across more theological issues, and I ordered more and more books to study them. And then Brittany reminded me of the budget.")  A great guy and a great interview.

5 / Karlo Broussard, Catholic Answers apologist and author of Prepare the Way
I prepare for Karlo's apologetics interviews by reading chapters of his incredibly well-written book, and then talking to myself in the mirror, saying "You can do this. You can talk with a Catholic apologist about the St. Thomas Aquinas' existential arguments for the existence of God and NOT SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT... .I mean, at least you can try. No guarantees." Karlo, God love him, keeps putting up with me.

6 / Tom Hoopes, The Rosary of Saint John Paul II
Is there anything Tom Hoopes can't talk about? No, no there is not. The man has done everything and done it well, and this sweet book he wrote on JPII's apostolic letter Rosarium Virginis Mariae is a treasure, for kids, adults and family use.

7 / Michele Chronister, author of The Catholic Field Guide
Sweet Michele wrote and illustrated this book which will be extremely useful for any parent who has felt that tug on their shirt during Mass by a kid who is pointing at a cruet/vestment/gold thingie/you-name-it, and whispers "Mom, what is that??"Also, she compares her home life with little kids to the rhythms of monastic life. "We eat at certain times, we work at certain times, we get up during the night..." it's not to pray though, unfortunately! Ah, mom life. She cracked me up.

Linking up with Kelly for 7 quick takes.