1. 3:30 p.m.
Me: *Wincing through a contraction* "It doesn't mean anything."
My Mother: "Mary, this is your third baby in five years. It's your fourth strong contraction in an hour. You're two days overdue. You're in labor and you're having this baby tonight."
Me: "I've been having contractions for weeks now and they never turn into true labor. I'm going to be pregnant forever."
2. 5:30 p.m.
Hospital Triage Nurse: "Well, you're only at 3 cm, so I think you should probably go home to labor for a few hours. Oh. Well. On the other hand, baby's heartbeat is decelerating with each contraction. So, actually, we are going to admit you, then probably break your water to speed things up."
Me: "Oh fun."
3. 6:22 p.m.
Very Sweet Resident OB: "I'm going to ask you a few questions about your medical history, so just stop me when you have a contraction and I'll--"
Me: "Ok STOP." *WINCE* *GROAN* *WRITHE* *BREATHE HEAVILY* *RAM SEAN REPEATEDLY WITH MY HEAD*
Very Sweet Resident OB: "You're very graceful."
4. 8:46 p.m.
Nurse: "You're doing so great, Mary! You're probably getting close to transition, since you seem much more uncomfortable now during your contractions."
Sean: "Good job honey. You're going so good. Need a sip of water?"
Mary: "I FEEL LIKE I'M ABOUT TO DIE."
5. 9:06 p.m.
Sean: "It's... a BOY!"
Medical staff: "Um... No it's not."
Me: "GIVE HER TO ME!!!!!!!"
Mary Gus, my first little girl, my first wearer of bows and dresses and tights. She's a joy to her brothers and the apple of her mother's eye, and her father's, and her grandparents' too. Welcome to the world, sweetie.
P.S. Hi Jenna!